


To my One and Only

by Batwynn



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Depressing, Letter, Loss, Love, M/M, Sad, and a small bit of humor, implied - Freeform, major character derath, moros - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-25
Updated: 2014-04-25
Packaged: 2018-01-20 19:11:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1522346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batwynn/pseuds/Batwynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki's last letter to his one and only.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To my One and Only

**Author's Note:**

  * For [apocatits](https://archiveofourown.org/users/apocatits/gifts).



 

I know that when you see this, you will already have an inkling of what is happening. Even as you read these words, you’re clever mind is putting the pieces together and forming a conclusion. You are a smart man, my idiot genius. This also means that you  _should_  know the reason why this is happening.   
But, in case you do not, I will tell you.

I know I promised you an eternity, and I truly meant those words when I said them. But fate makes no promises, Anthony. It does not bend to my will, nor is there anyone listening when I plead for more time. We have lived a long life together. It may have not been many years, but they were long months and long days.

Those times when you asked me what it was like to go at your speed, I should have answered you more honestly. You were no less important to me, simply because I live longer, or  _lived_ longer. Time with you was always precious, no matter how the minutes slowly ticked by, or how short a moment could be. Every moment mattered, and that is the absolute truth.

I am sorry that there will be no more of them with you. No more picnics, no more baths, no more movies, no more feasts, no more pranks, laughter, tears, secrets, or silences.

But now that I am at the part of my letter where I explain, I find it hard to get the words out. Even as I sit here, I mouth them to myself with little trouble, yet I cannot write it. It’s as if my mind would be forced to accept it as a fact, once it is recorded. Well, I shall be brave, and tell you.

I am unwell, my love. No, I am more than unwell.  
 ~~  
I am leaving the~~

~~~~

~~I appear to be~~  
  
I am dying.

I hope, I dearly hope, that you had some idea of this beforehand. I would hate for it to surprise you all at once, and leave you alone in this late discovery. For it was Thor who first noticed something had changed in me, before I even knew. He simply walked up to me one day and said I looked thin.

His actual words were more like, ‘Brother, has your husband-Anthony not been feeding you?’, which he thought was quite amusing at the time. I fear he still regrets that comment to this day. Something I wish for him to forgive himself for, for once. No one needs to wallow in guilt anymore, not over me. No more sadness over me and my foolery.

Anyway, I seem to have lost track of myself here.

Ah, I suppose I should apologize for not properly telling you, as I did Thor. But, you see, after his words, I decided to look into my own health. That is when I discovered it. The hole.

It was small, upon my first discovery, but has grown rather large by now. No, my love, you could not have seen it. There are no physical signs in my body, save the weight loss and exhaustion. Perhaps you have noticed the dullness of my eyes, or the bagginess of my clothes. I recall you asking after my health that last day of autumn, when the city was bleached white with snow. It seems like decades ago, but only a month has passed since then. I suppose when one is dying, they tend to stretch the time as much as possible. I regret spending so much of that time trying to mend myself while you slept or were away. It was a waste of energy, which took time away from you, in the end.

This hole is now so large, my entire being feels thin and vaporous. Through it, leaks my magic, my soul. This is why I cannot simply fix it, and am writing to you now. There is no  _cure_ , and I am honestly not even sure how it happened. I suppose it could have been when I was ripped free of Thonos and the Tesseract’s power. Perhaps it took a part of me with it, when it fled my system. All I know is that it has left me broken, and my being is slipping through the cracks.

I want to say so much to you, but so much of it you already know. There is no time for redundancy in a goodbye. Then again, I need to remind you of things, lest you forget that there is good in the world.

I _love_  you. This is one thing you should never forget. Imagine my surprise when I discovered such a thing, love for a mortal… any love at all, for that matter. I will always remember the day we saw one another again, already changed men, the both of us. I would like to say my first thought was something romantic, but I think it was more along the lines of, ‘didn’t I throw this one out a window?’

But, regardless of windows and punching and a few good-natured stabbings between us, I fell so  _deeply_  in love with you. So much so, I regret not telling you more often, for not telling the world, for not marrying you.

Regret is a wasteful emotion, in the end. So let me move onward to another thing I would like to remind you.   
 ~~~~  
You still have  
  
You are not alone, not ever. You are surrounded by those who love you no less dearly than I, but perhaps just not as deeply. Do not ever forget this, do not narrow your vision to the one empty place in the room. I will leave one _small_  gap, please, my love, do not focus on only that.

Another thing, I have received permission to invite you to my funeral. Is that strange of me? I suppose it is. But I did need permission to have you brought to Asgard for the ceremony. It shan’t be much, and I doubt there will be more than two sorrowful faces present. Ah, perhaps my father will mourn, we shall see.

I have reached the end of my letter, and after a winding road of wandering thoughts, I must conclude with one last thing. It may seem selfish, or conceded to ask this of you, but I feel you are the only one who could honor my wish in the way I wish it.

Remember me, Anthony. Remember the  _real_  me, the one you knew in our private moments. Remember the things that made you laugh, that angered you, that made you sad. Please,  _please_  do not forget me. Do not let the only memories of me be recorded in time as the villain, the mad god who wanted to rule. Be my one and only memoir, and remember me.

Love, beyond all time and breath,

Loki  ~~Laufeyson~~ Stark.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.


End file.
